Me and My Anxiety!

Hello again,

I want to begin by telling you a bit more about myself and the struggles I face on a daily basis having anxiety. My days don’t typically go the way I hope due to the anxiety. When I was younger I was an extremely extroverted individual. I loved attention and being on a stage either in a play, musical, or a choir. Performing was my dream and I had wanted to make it my career. However, as I got older I noticed that I would get these small thoughts of doubt in my head.

Doubts that typical individual experiences are typically understandable and easily pushed aside. However, my doubts were almost impossible to push aside. Now during this time, my anxiety seemed almost non-existent so I ignored the signs. I still enjoyed going out and being with my friends and doing adventurous things.

As I got older more doubts and fears began to arise and I noticed more struggles but still continued to ignore the feelings. This is where I made my first true mistake. Ignoring these feelings of fear and the doubts I had would prove to be my downfall. At this point, I should have acknowledged what I was feeling and sought out proper help.

However, talking about emotions and how you are feeling on has and still continues to be a sort of taboo topic. We tend to want to keep these things private typically due to the fear of others judging us for being “different”. The difference, however, is what makes each one of us unique individuals. Even while I sit here and openly discuss my life there are these doubts floating in my head. Will my readers like what I write? Will this even help others? Will I succeed in my overall goals?

You see right now these are just a few of the thoughts that are floating around in my head and I’ve learned to acknowledge these thoughts. Once I’ve acknowledged them I don’t push them away and hide them. I push myself away all while telling myself that these thoughts are just that, a thought. For me, it wasn’t an easy thing to always do. Like many things we do that we want to improve on we learn, practice, and repeat.

I’ve had to make sure that my will is stronger than my anxiety. My will is what keeps me moving forward. My will is strengthened by my daughter, wife, family, and friends. I want to ensure that I am my best self for them. See I’ve accepted that I have this issue and instead of letting it control me I control it.

I’ve made sure that during my journey I’ve attempted multiple methods to help keep this at bay. I’ve been taking medication, I’ve enrolled myself in therapy, I’ve meditated, taken CBD products, talked with my family and friends, and done some self-reflection. Though all of these I’ve found a perfect balance of techniques that work adequately for me. Now, I say adequately because I still have my anxious thoughts and probably will for some time. But compared to how bad my anxiety has been in the past I’ll take those little anxious moments.

I will continue to look at every method I feel is safe for myself. Another step I took recently was attending a dinner party with friends. A few weeks ago I would have made up an excuse to not attend like I wasn’t feeling well, I can’t find a baby sitter, or that I’ve got to be up early the next morning. My anxious thoughts about going out with friends were thoughts like, what if I get sick, what if I drink too much, or what if the new people I meet don’t like me.

Well, I decided last night that I was not going to make up an excuse and attend this dinner party. I knew that I wasn’t going to know many people there outside of my few friends there. To further challenge my anxiety I attended this event without my wife, who is my anchor during anxious moments. Challenging my anxiety last night proved to be one of my greatest steps forward.

After a few anxious interactions that I had with people that I didn’t know at the dinner party things eased for me. By the end of the night, my anxiety over the situation was gone. We played games, joked, and had a great time. I made new friends and laughed. Laughter has been proven to ease anxiety by releasing endorphins in the brain. The laughter shared between myself, my old friends, and new friends proved to be the best medicine.

Now, this is just a short snippet into the many anxious moments I’ve had throught my journey with anxiety. I will continue to share my story and hopefully in the future the stories of many others. If you or someone you know is silently suffering please don’t wait any longer. Speak up and get the help needed.

I am here for you like so many others.