Parenthood with Anxiety part 2

Hello everyone,

I was recently asked to write about the stress and anxiety of parenthood. And let me tell you it can definitely be stressful and full of anxiety. There is no way of getting around that fact. There are a lot of things that can go wrong when you are a parent. However, there is also great joy that comes with being a parent.

I have a five-year-old daughter and I have had my fair share of stress. Before my daughter was born I was constantly second-guessing my ability to be a father. I was still in college and unsure about what I wanted to do with my life. I could barely take care of myself so how could I take care of a new life. I just didn’t know what I was going to do.

My daughter was actually born prematurely. She was literally just shy of a month early. It all began when my wife (girlfriend at the time) wasn’t feeling the baby move as much. We decided to be safe rather than sorry, so we went to the hospital just to get checked out. They hooked my wife up to a baby heart rate monitor to watch the baby's heart rate.

We were told that the decrease in activity isn’t uncommon and usually isn’t a bad sign. After a few hours, they decided that to be safe they wanted to keep my wife overnight just to monitor things and be extra sure everything was ok. So I went home and grabbed some things we would need for the night. When I got back we got ready for the night. Little did we know things would change in the morning.

We woke up and my wife’s OBGYN arrived to check on things. We found out that throughout the night the baby’s heart rate had dropped a few times throughout the night. After a few more tests it was decided that we would induce and have the baby early. That’s when the anxiety began to rise. We were not prepared to bring home our baby this early.

So the time came and they began to induce my wife for a natural birth. This, however, did not go as expected. The drug they had used to induce my wife had a negative effect on both my wife and baby. The baby’s heart rate began to drop even lower. They stopped the medicine they were using to induce the labor and decided to try it again later.

Well later came and they began the medicine again. During that afternoon there were four of us in the room. It was my wife, her mother, my mother, And myself. We were all tired and everyone was just trying to get sleep. That’s when the door flew open and the lights turned on. A full team of nurses and doctors rushed in and took my wife out quickly.

None of us had any idea what was going on. I have never been more afraid in my life then I was at that moment. That’s when an OBGYN who was visiting one of her own patients came up to me and asked if I was the father. I stuttered as I responded, yes. She handed me some oversized scrubs and told me to take my clothes off and put them on.

I asked what was going on and she said everything was OK but they were taking my wife back to perform an emergency c-section. That doctor was the one calming thing among the utter chaos. I couldn’t keep my thoughts straight. Is my baby OK? Is my wife OK? Will I leave here with both of them, one of them, or neither of them? I was on the brink of tears at this moment.

The doctor leads me down a dark hallway with a single chair sitting at the end. She told me to sit in the chair and wait for them to come get me. It was like something out of a movie. I sat in that chair for what felt like hours when in retrospect I was probably only in that chair for thirty seconds before a nurse came and got me. I was taken to my wife who was laying on a gurney with a partition over her stomach.

They sat me in a chair next to her and the only thing that was running through my head at that time was to remain calm for my wife. I didn’t want to show any fear or worry on my face. Then in no time, they had our baby out and into this world. They took her over to a table to clean her off and wrap her up. However, the only thing running through my mind was why isn’t she crying.

Then finally after what felt like a lifetime there, it was. The most beautiful sound. Her cry was like a wave of relief. They brought her over to us and that is when I held her for the first time. I held her so my wife could see what we brought into this world. However, that was not the end of our journey.

We were informed that her oxygen levels were low and they would need to put her on oxygen. They took her to the nursery where they proceeded to place a tiny oxygen tube in her nose. I was constantly moving between the nursery and my wife's room. This went on for a few days. I don’t think I managed more than an hour or two of sleep each night. There was the talk of moving our daughter to Children’s hospital in the city.

Each day I would ask the nurse in the nursery how my daughter was and how weaning her off the oxygen was going. She kept telling me the same thing. That when attempting to wean her off the oxygen they would have to increase it again to make sure her oxygen levels stayed up. At night while my wife would sleep I’d go down and stand over my daughter and just watch her.

I’d strike up a conversation with the night nurse and that bit of conversation was something that kept me sane. I can remember telling her that I hope that my daughter would respond better to weaning her off the oxygen tomorrow then she had that day. That’s when the nurse told me that they hadn’t begun weaning her off the oxygen yet. At this point I let my anger get the best of me. I demanded to speak with the pediatrician on hand at that time.

Within 15 mins the pediatrician was on hand and I began to talk with him. I went over how I was lied to and fed incorrect information. He looked over my daughter's charts and decided that they could begin to wean her off the oxygen. Within a few hours, our daughter was off the oxygen and in my wife's arms. The hardest part of her being in the nursery was the fact that my wife couldn’t hold her baby when she wanted to. She was still recovering herself.

A day later we were taking our baby home. We felt so much love and support during this time. That support was what allowed us to keep pushing forward through this stressful time. We were able to keep focusing on the future. We put what we had just gone through in our past.

Flash forward a few years and we suffered another fearful experience. One night our daughter was running a fairly high fever of 103. We gave her Tylenol in hopes to lower the fever. At that time it was the highest fever she had ever had. This was sometime after midnight. We decided that we would bring her to bed with us just to monitor her.

Shortly after beginning to fall back asleep we experienced a fear that rivaled her birth. She had a seizure. I don’t know how I kept so calm but I managed to have my wife call 911 while I proceeded to roll her to her side as to not swallow her tongue. At that time I’ve never been gladder that I decided to have taken a first aid course as to what you should do if someone has a seizure.

Within moments of our call first responders were at our house assisting our daughter who had begun to recover by that time. We are fortunate to live within a few blocks of the fire department and we have numerous volunteers that live within a few blocks of us as well. After speaking with the doctor it was decided that our daughter had suffered a febrile seizure. This occurs when a child usually under the age of 5 has a temperature that is too high for their body. The seizure is the body's way of essentially hitting the reset button.

Thankfully this was the only experience we had to go through of this. However, that fear has never left me. If anything it has made me more overprotective. It’s important that we protect our children but also let them fail. Without getting hurt they don’t gain the knowledge of how not to get hurt. I’ve managed to keep my anxiety in check mostly when dealing with parenthood. We can never escape the scares and fears of our child getting sick. We have to face these fears on a daily basis and keep them in check.

It’s important to understand that you are only human and will make mistakes. However, you also have to keep in mind that you know your child better than anyone else and that you trust your instinct. You can read every book on being a parent and you can take other's advice, however, when it comes down to your child you know what’s best for them. When I’m feeling anxious and my daughter is near we will just cuddle and turn on one of her shows. There is nothing more calming then getting to spend that quality time with her. I’m sure there is a photo or two of us just sleeping on the couch or in the recliner.

There is no way to escape those stressful situations or anxious moments. There is only ways to manage them and keep your calm. Make sure when you feel that your thoughts and emotions are starting to rise that you clear your mind and focus on what’s most important. Your child is your future and you are theirs. Embrace it and accept it, then enjoy your time with them as much as possible. It’s important that when you are feeling alone that you are not. They will always be there for you as long as you open up to them.

My daughter is fully aware that at times her daddy feels scared or worried. I’m just as open with her as I am to any of my friends, family, or coworkers. She will never look down on me and think I’m not a good father or that I’m a bad person. To her, I’m her daddy, her protector, and her best friend. She loves me for me and will never judge me otherwise. Even as she grows older I always remain open with her and show her how much I care for her and our family.

So if there is anything you can take away from this, I hope it helps. You are not alone in this and you are loved. Please talk to someone if you think you or someone you know may be going through something. Keep an open mind and push yourself. You can do this! I believe in you!