Effects of Anxiety on Friends and Family

Hello everyone, my name is Elizabeth Sutter. I am Joshua’s wife as of October 2018. We have been together for a total of almost seven years now. Josh has asked me to write a post about what it is like living with someone that suffers from anxiety. At first, I said yes not knowing what to write about. How do you explain what it is like to live with someone that suffers?

Anxiety is defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. For someone that does not suffer from anxiety, it is a hard concept for me to wrap my mind around. I am not going to lie here.

Josh started suffering from anxiety a little over a year ago. At first, I thought it may have just been stress from his job or just life in general. I would have never known that it would have led to being diagnosed with anxiety. I know other people that have anxiety, but they never really explained what it meant or how it affected them.

When Josh came to me and told me that he had anxiety, I wasn’t really sure what to think. We would be out in a social setting and it was almost as if he just shut down. I remember one episode very clearly. A few months ago, we were out at a farm near our house to walk through a sunflower maze. I remember being so excited to take our daughter through the maze. Josh had to get out of line because his stomach hurt and he was feeling anxious. We eventually ended up walking through the maze, but at that moment that he had to get out of line, I got so mad and upset. Looking back at this, it was selfish of me to even get upset about something like this. I didn’t understand that anything can set off his anxiety. Whether its crowds or just a thought that pops in his head.

I feel like that experience opened my eyes to what his anxiety was all about. I remember asking a friend who also suffers to explain things to me. Since then I have been trying to listen to Josh when he says he is feeling anxious or when he says he doesn’t feel good. I have learned to look for the signs that Josh shows. Just yesterday at a restaurant, the expression in his face turned. We were standing looking at the menu getting ready to order our food. I could tell just by looking at his face that Josh was feeling anxious.

Before I just thought these anxious feelings were just Josh stressing about something, and that the stress would just go away. Now I know that anxiety just doesn’t magically disappear. An individual needs to take measures to help alleviate the feelings of anxiety. Things that I noticed that have helped Josh are meditating and reflecting on things.

I know that I have a lot to learn when it comes to anxiety, but I know the signs to look for now when Josh is feeling anxious. There are times that I feel bad about snapping at him or rolling my eyes when he has had an attack in the past. Now I try to stay calm for him and reassure him that things will be alright. I try to practice patience because I understand that this is not something he can control or just turn off.

Josh, I want you to know that I am trying my best to understand what you are going through. I am trying my hardest to be patient with you and understand that there are going to be times that you do not get things done that I ask you, or that you do not want to go out because of your anxiety. I also want to say that I am very proud of you for starting this blog. This is a way for you to not only educate others but to help with your own anxiety. We have the rest of our lives together, and I want to be the best person I can for you and help you through any hardships anxiety may throw your way.

I want to share some advice with you if you know someone who suffers from anxiety. Take time to try and put yourself in their shoes. Learn what anxiety is about and take time to research it. Try not to let your emotions get in the way, and do not snap at them like I used to. That does not help the situation, it really only makes it worse. Try and sit down and talk to the person. Ask them what they are feeling or thinking about. If they want space, give it to them. Don’t be afraid to ask the person suffering questions about what it is like living with anxiety. This gives you a better perspective on what they are suffering from. Lastly, if you believe someone may be suffering from anxiety or any other mental illness who has not been diagnosed, don’t be afraid to sit down with them and ask to help them. That might just be the one thing they are looking for. Someone to help them get through this.